I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
