are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bring me that man meat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
