he puts the penis in happiness.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
