Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
