I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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