What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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