So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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