Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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