he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
