i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
