Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
