It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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