Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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