Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
