I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
