Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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