i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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