haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
