There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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