There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
