I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
