i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
