my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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