Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
