She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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