We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm jealous of your bromance
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
