Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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