I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
