just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
