Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
