And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
