I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
