Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
