he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
