Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
