i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
