my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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