Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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