So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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