I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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