so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
