i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
