mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
