Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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