5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
