I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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