You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
