Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
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