i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
