why didn't you poke me back
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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