I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
