we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
