Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
