just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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