hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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