i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
