2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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