Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
