so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
