is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
