my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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