I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
