No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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