My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Couch. On fire.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
