**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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