I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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