last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
