and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
