He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
