Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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