Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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