census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
