Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
