he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
