I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
