THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
