New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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