I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
