I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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