These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
