I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
