Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
