Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
