I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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