You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
