Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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