Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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